Mommy goes Hippie

By all intensive purposes, I am a bad atypical Mormon.  I’m not good at lots of the spirituality-based things that my LDS cohorts are, and if you accused me of being a cafeteria-type Mormon (one who picks and chooses what to believe) I probably wouldn’t disagree.  It’s not that I think that’s okay.  Or that I think I know better so I pick and choose what I want to endorse.  It’s that I struggle, I mean really struggle with some things and I do my best to make all intersections of my experiences meet up.  Anyway.  My point is that commonplace aspects of Mormonism to most, are rare and kind of overwhelming to me. 

So.  To say that on an ordinary day sitting amongst the sterile tools and the oversized elephant exam-bed of my pediatrician’s office, I received inspiration, is big.  I mean really big.  I can easily count on one hand the amount of times I’ve experienced anything even remotely close to this.   I don’t know if I should call it inspiration, personal revelation, mother’s intuition, or what.  But what I know is that it was a tangible, visceral feeling that overcame my whole being in a way that was so real that I feel silly even trying to explain it.  I feel like I should have physical proof of the experience.  Instead I’m stuck with insufficient words; intellectually trying to justify an experience that was nothing of the sort.  Everything was normal that day at Charlotte’s check up.  They weighed her, etc.  We talked about her development.  Then the doctor left to go get the nurse for her shots.  And that’s when it happened.  The feeling was that I in no way should let my Charlotte get her vaccines.  Even as I type this I am surprised by the feeling and can’t even begin to make sense of it.   Lyla had all vaccines on schedule and I never gave it a moment’s pause.  Prior to this six-month visit, Lottie too was on schedule.  I’ve never, and I mean NEVER given any credence to the “paranoid” non-vaccinators.  I spent four years as a research analyst.  Unless you were going to show me a randomized controlled study, I wasn’t buying.  I’m also generally a democrat.  I trust the government and believe in the system.  SO they would properly regulate this…..right?  Right?  The fact that my emotions were saying something different from my intellect was troubling to say the least.  But.  I. Could. Not. Deny. It.  So I didn’t.  I quickly made up an excuse to my doctor that we were traveling tomorrow and didn’t want a grumpy baby (which was true) and said I’d be back in  a week for them.  Fully knowing this wasn’t true.  The idea of going against the conventional traditions, taking on new risks and and owning the decision was so foreign to me that I couldn’t even begin to acknowledge the decision I had made.  Not to mention  telling our Pediatrician (who happens to be very supportive and wonderful).  Actually, I couldn’t think of telling ANYONE.  So for two weeks I didn’t tell a soul.  During that time my inclination grew and I felt stronger and stronger that this wasn’t the right thing for Lottie.  For some reason, I kept thinking, I just need to get her to one and she’ll be okay.  I began feeling so confident and sure about my feelings that I eventually felt enough sane to tell Todd about it.  I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was very supportive and immediately said that he trusts my intuition and doesn’t doubt it for one minute [I am so lucky to have Todd].  That gave me peace and I just decided to not think about the subject for a period of time and trust that when the time was right I would know (but in the back of my mind thinking that if I hadn’t felt anything eventually I would have to do the research and make an educated decision…possibly doing a delayed schedule). 

After that day I had a number of strange experiences that didn’t add up to anything at first.  I rarely watch the news but saw a story on the dangers in baby formula (which should have been completely uninteresting to me given that neither of my kids have ever had formula even once).  I read an article online about the chemicals that are in Johnsons and Johnson’s baby products.  I got a coupon in the mail for a new “natural” product that Johnson’s and Johnson’s were making.  All very random, seemingly minor events that were the stirrings of a change for me.   It’s hard to describe it all without sounding slight crazy but I feel like the universe provided me a number of chance encounters that all added up to a very special lesson for me to learn.  A lesson about being mindful.  About making conscious decisions on behalf of the beautiful souls I’ve been entrusted with.  I’ve always been one to use the old “everyone else does it” argument to calm fears and challenge opposing views.  Now I realize how dumb that was.  That Todd and I are responsible for decisions me make; conscious or not so I better make ones I’m comfortable with.  Walking out of that office gave me power.  Power to trust my intuition.  Power to make less-popular decisions if Todd and I feel like it’s the right one.  Power to THINK.  This isn’t a story about condemning vaccines and all things modern to live off of tree sap .  It’s a story about how a prompting, some baby soap, and toxic formula changed the way I make decisions.  A story about how I came to think twice.  I hope to keep telling this story as I continue down my path of mindful living.  It’s sprinkled with rooms that smell of vinegar, babies donning cloth diapers, homemade versions of our favorite processed food and a million and one applications of coconut oil.  I’ll try to write as I happily step and misstep down this very foreign, very exciting path. 

 

….p.s.  Charlotte has since gotten the majority of her vaccines on a delayed schedule in case you were worried about it :)

p.p.s  Not sure why but I love the sight of their cloth diapers on the line 

Sidewalk Paint

 

Dear Lyla, You love sidewalk chalk but it always breaks on you (and frustrates you) so I thought this would be a fun alternative.  The recipe I had wasn’t the greatest making it spread weird, but you loved it anyway!!!  As with all of our activities, you were involved from the preparation to the clean-up.  You picked the colors and did all the mixing.  Once we got it outside you dumped the whole mixture on the concrete.  LOL.  It made a pretty cool rainbow paint puddle that you used to paint from there.  I tried to get Lottie involved but as you can see she was more interested in pushing her baby around.  LOL.  Naturally, the painting turned to body painting.  As you can see, you painted everywhere including your bum bum!  What a beautifully painted bum!

13 & 32 Months

 

Dear Charlotte,

Page by page.  You grow and ripen into the most loveable little toddler baby.  I’ve probably said this before but just when I think you’ve reached your max cuteness, you prove me wrong and grow into the littlest sweetie ever.  You’re the kind of cute that makes me want to just eat you up.  Every day I’m surprised at the depth of your knowledge even if you can’t verbalize it.  You’ll use your smarts to get what you want or to tease and antagonize.  You’ll tap or lightly push Lyla to tease her.  You’re also a master at fake crying to get what you want.  You have THE very best pouty face ever.  I’m so in awe of you babe.   More and more I get glimpses of your personality.  It makes me so excited to get to know the big you.   You are the most loveable child and play so well.  You have cutest chub that makes you waddle when you walk.  I smile just picturing your adorable little face and body.  You have the deepest brown eyes that make me feel proud for having passed that on to you.  You give me so much joy baby girl.  I’m so proud to be your mama. 

-You’re so smart.  You clearly know your limits but test them and tease.  You’ll go to things that are no-nos, shake your head, and will say “un uh” and point to it.  Like the toilet . 

-You are just the sweetest mommy ever.  You cradle your dolls, walk them in the stroller, and carry them around in the carseat. You even insist on giving your baby a blanket.   It’s so cute how loving and nurturing you already are.  Not to mention the depth of your imaginative play!

-I’ve successfully convinced you to eat eggs!  It’s a big accomplishment since I don’t like them.  I guess it’s not that surprising since you like most foods but still.  Ketchup was the trick

-I’m already worried about my pocket book when you become a teenager because you LOVE shoes.  It’s crazy.  You die at any loose shoes around and insist on wearing then no matter the size/owner. 

-You bring me nail polish and stick out your tootsies so I’ll paint them.  TO die for. 

-You have cutest bye bye wave

-You talk on your play phone and hand it to me to have a word.  Best gibberish phone conversations to be had.  Again, with the remarkable imaginative play!

-I guess it’s because you are little for your age, but people get the biggest kick out of watching you walk.  They always seemed shocked to watch you strut about.  You do have the cutest walk ever and I’m not at all surprised when people dote over your cuteness

-I’ve said this before but I just LOVE watching your brain work the way your dad’s does.  You have to know how things work and can’t rest until you know the logistics of things.  It can be as simple as a plug or a lid, or as complex as gears or a screw and washer.  You will sit and contemplate and tinker already.  It’s the most amazing thing. 

-If you have a flaw, it’s that you’re LOUD!  Like anytime something doesn’t sit right you scream bloody murder.  It’s a wonder we’re not all deaf.  Lyla will even say “don’t scream Char!”. 

-You are a morning person.  I just love that most days I wake up to sweet chatter and not crying.  When you’re up you’re up and ready to face the day.  You’re the happiest early morning.  You don’t really understand why Lyla isn’t the same way.  You wake about an hour before her each morning and for that entire hour you play happily and yell for Lyla to wake up.  It cracks me up.  You don’t see why Lyla needs a minute when she wakes up so you get all in her grill and bug her.  It’s hilarious. 

-You love to snuggle in blankets. 

-You love to be chased and ask for it.  It cracks me up

-You mimic so well.  Lyla does very few things that you don’t know

-You have rhythm!  You shake your booty and then twirl until you get dizzy!  It’s so cute

-You like to get dressed which is a big change.  You’re already into dress up and even wear my bra correctly!

-You click your tongue

-You said your first sentence which was “where mama go?”.  The first time I was SURE I heard you wrong but dad has head you say it a few times.  Very fitting for the mama’s girl that you are

-You have 9 teeth

-You’re wearing 12 month clothes.  Definitely bigger than your sister but smaller than average.

 

Dislikes

Bread

Tomatoes

Bananas

 

Likes

Almost everything

Most meats

Apples

Oranges

Strawberries

Cheese

Yogurt

Crackers

Eggs

 

New Words

UUUUP for Up

OOOOP for Open

Hi

Dada

WAWA for Water

Wywa for LYLA

 

Dear Lyla,

It’s definitely a bittersweet thing to acknowledge, but what an amazing little girl you’ve become.  You seem less and less like a toddler and more and more like a little girl.  You vocabulary is bursting with big new words.  You understand so much about your surroundings.  Your toddler speak has all but dissipated and in it’s place is well constructed words and sentences that are easy to understand and respond to.  It makes me sad to see these adorable little aspects of your toddlehood disappear.  I’ve loved that way you don’t say your T’s or L’s if they’re in the middle of the word.  Luckily you have the most loveable little personality.  You’re my little friend that I love confiding in with just about every thing.  We talk about our schedule for the day and reflect on the day every evening.  WE talk about what makes us sad and what makes us happy.  We talk about being frustrated.  We talk about missing dad.  I hope we will always talk.  I hope that you’ll always see me as your safe place where you can be yourself and ask for anything.  I hope that you always hold on to the uninhibited zeal for life that you have.  With your maturing, you have become such a good little helper.  I can ask you to do small tasks and worry less about your disobeying to run into the street or to break something.  It’s so nice to feel like for the most part you want to obey and do what it is right.  I’m so impressed by you and honored to be your mom.  I know that you love your little sister as your very best friend.  You say so all the time and get lost in playing with her.   I am so happy Dad and I were able to give you her.  I know you will always treasure her. 

-You’re aware that you are a girl!  If I say you’re such a cutie or a little stinker you’ll say “no I’m not…I’m a girl”.  True that baby girl

-You’ve gotten more and more brave in the water.  You’ll dunk your head and get such a kick out of it!

-Your imaginative play has continued to blossom.  The other day you put the water beads into shapes like triangle and squares.  How awesome is that

-You’re aware of times of the day now.  Whenever you notice it getting dark you say, “It’s 10 o'clock!”.  LOL

-You sing “Red Solo Cup”!  I just love it, especially the emphasis on “CUP!”

-You have LOVED the time we spent in Idaho with the Gambles Cousins.  You know all their names and will chase after them all day long.  You think your big and exhaust yourself keeping up with them

-You will say “that’s annoying” when Charlotte does things you don’t like.  It’s a good reminder to me to watch what I say

-Whenever Charlotte’s face is red you say “you trying to poo Char?”.  HAHAHA.  It’s so funny the way you respond to her as if she’s a million years younger than you

-If I say something you didn’t catch you’ll say “what’d you say mommy?”  with this little inquisitive face that just makes me laugh because it’s such a mature response

-You know your full name!  I just love how you say Gambes for Gambles

-The other day you grabbed your little play laptop when I was doing my notes.  While you were typing you turned to me and said “what’s my email?!”  HAHAHA

-The other day we went to the carwash which I know freaks you out.  But this time you were more concerned about Lottie.  You kept saying “it’s okay Lottie” and reporting to me that she was scared.  What a darling big sister you are. 

-You learned to do this funny thing called “bum in your face!” when you moon people and say that.  Addy taught you this.  It’s your new favorite thing to do.  Good thing you have a cute bum!

-You will look at your fake watch all the time to check the time

-You will “click over” to your call waiting when talking on your play phone.  You’ll say “hang on” and click over.  ME oh my child

-You said the word Marvelous the other day.  Where do you get these things?!?!

-You have VERY big ears lately.  Anything we say you hear and repeat.  You’ll repeat things I said when I saw sure you weren’t listening.  Like getting a bouncy house for your birthday.  Your memory is also impeacable. 

-Ever since we had Charlotte’s birthday you’ve been very into birthdays and always ask when it’s yours.  You get so excited for any birthday you hear of. 

Potty Trained

April 13th was the day I declared you officially potty trained!!  That made you 31 months almost exactly 2 and 1/2.  Looking back it was pretty difficult.  You’ve had your little potty and have showed interest since you were two, but I’d try for a day or two and decide you weren’t ready after accident after accident.  Then you began resisting wearing a diaper and taking it off.  You also went successfully on the potty during bathtime one night, so I decided to get serious about it.  I did some reading and consulted with grandma and decided that I would just commit for two weeks and if you still didn’t have it by then I’d reevaluate.  For the first two days, I didn’t go anywhere and just let you have accident after accident and would explain what that was and try to get you to the potty.  When you’d go on the potty you got lots of praise and you got to call Grandma or Dad to tell them what you did.  We also took our potty baby to the potty a lot and explained what she was doing.  For the first week it was very touch and go.  You’d have a day with no accidents and then a day with 20 accidents.  I was constantly talking myself out of being frustrated.  It didn’t help that you go poop up to 5 times a day :/  I was really thinking I was going to have to abandon ship but towards the end of the two weeks you really caught on.  You were so proud of yourself every successful potty trip as was I.  You couldn’t look cuter in your big girl panties.  Keeping your Minnie’s dry is a big motivator for you.  Since then we’ve had some bumps but mostly you do really well.  When you’re with Addy I have to force you to the bathroom or you will inevitably have an accident because you are so busy playing.  We went through a phase about a month after you were trained where the novelty of the potty was gone and you would resist going to the bathroom.  During that phase you had so many accidents it was worse than the training phase.  I then stepped up my game and bought potty prizes you got intermittently.  That big the trick and now self-initiate going potty.  For about three months you still had accidents about every other day, but haven’t had one in awhile now.  I’m just happy that it’s over and we did it without shaming you or resorting to food!  Way to go babe!!!  These milestones are always bittersweet for me, but it’s so awesome to see you evolve and grow.