We bid farewell to 2011 at home. We tried this new Chinese restaurant that’s in a truck stop! Brave I know. We had all sorts of dips and delicious goodies along with it. We mostly hung out and played around. Lottie powered out before the clock struck midnight but of course Lyla made it! My little night owl.
I wish I did a better job at reflecting upon the last year. Instead I’ll post our Christmas Card which is a lazy way of reflecting on the last year.
“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.”
- Rachel Carson
Page by page, we have been writing our story of wonder, through the lenses of the two beautiful souls we’ve been magically blessed with. What awe we are in living life alongside of them. This year has been one of many peaks and valleys. At the peak most certainly rests Miss Charlotte Ranee who joined our family in April of this year. She most fittingly honors my grandmother Ranee with her quiet, peaceful gentleness. Charlotte’s addition to our home was a seamless surprise that we both quietly thank our creator for. She crawls, stands, talks in smiles and coos, and eats anything in sight.
Wonder nearly captures the very essence of our lively two year old, Lyla Jane, who honors her grandmother, Betty Jane. I can think of no greater pleasure than learning about the world through her eyes. She has such a zeal for life. Lyla loves to go, and stays busy going to Mommy and Me Dance, Story Time, Music class, and countless play dates with her little buddies each week. We also spend a lot of time doing art projects and learning activities. It invariably results in mis-glued items and a gallon of glitter or paint sprayed about, but nothing beats seeing her face light up as she takes in the wonder of her environment. Lyla loves people so much we joke that she would go with the Fedex man if we let her (but seriously, it’s true!). Lyla had some growing pains adjusting to being the big sister (“pains” being biting, hitting, and throwing things at Lottie), but has grown into the sweetest big sister. She watches over her like a little mother hen announcing things like “Mom! Lottie Lou’s awake!” or “Lottie Lou do it too” to whatever activity she is doing. Nobody can make Lottie smile or cry the way Lyla does J
Todd has changed jobs and now works away from home up to two weeks at a time. It’s hard and we miss him terribly, but with the current state of affairs, we feel nothing but relief and gratitude for a stable income. Thank goodness for skype and cell phones. Lyla brings me my phone several times throughout the day and asks to “talk to dada”. We are lucky to feel the wonder of Christmas each time his visit comes around. He is the yin to my yang in most every way and I feel lucky to have him on this journey. He is kind to widdle away at his growing honey do list each time he’s home. He gave us a pretty fancy backyard this spring that we enjoyed all summer. He is always willing to indulge my crazy ideas, and puts his craftsmen skills to work. He’s made some pretty amazing things for Lyla including a sensory table and a light box. His little girls have him wrapped around their little finger.
I’ve been lucky enough to realize my dream of having a private practice that lets me make my own schedule and only leave my babies for brief stints of time. Aside from dealing with insurance companies, it’s been such a blessing. For me, being a mother to two under two is a happy chaos I would trade for nothing. I regularly say and do things I never thought I would, like “Lyla, we don’t ride our sister” and “Lottie, I will finish feeding you after I pull Lyla out of the toilet”. Who knew I’d acquire skills like being able to nurse and paint toe nails one-handedly? This experience is riddled with bursts of awe and wonder every day that I treasure. If only I could cheat time, the elusive thief, and bottle away this wonder for quiet lonely days when we’re old and grey.
We hope this letter finds you all warm, happy and content. May you all find beauty and wonder in the year to come.
I had several resolutions this year, which must be a sign of impending adulthood and aging. I never used to make resolutions because I guess I thought I was always actively working on the goals that were important to me. Now I have more goals, areas to improve, and aspirations than I have time or energy. Ironically, I think the most important thing I’d like to work on this year is slowing down and doing less at times. I’ve realized that my insecurities as a mom are occasionally sneaking up on me and impacting my decision making. Eep. I want to change that. I first started finding activities and outings because we observed early on how social and active Lyla is. It’s since maybe spiraled into too much. I feel like we have to take advantage of every outing, learning activity and event that will improve, enhance and support my children’s development. Translation: they make me feel like I’m doing it right. They’re a tangible report card saying I’ve done my job as a mommy and gotten a passing grade (psych…I need and A+). Argh. The LAST thing I want as a mother is for my insecurities and perfectionism to taint and miscolor my priorities. What about the beauty in doing nothing? The quite, unplanned moments that sneak up on you? The serendipitous beauty of frozen time when I look at the whites in your eyes and I know you feel my love? What about those? This must be why I love newborns so deeply. Because I get to guilt-free take a reprieve from the outings and scheduling and all that CRAP! So I’m breathing. soaking it up. And. Just. Living life along side of you. I’m missing dance class because the stack of books took just too long to get through and because we wanted to say in our jammies. I bring in this giant bag of empty shoe boxed in from the garage to play shoe store, because you randomly started putting your shoes in a box (read: unplanned activities). The air from over here feels nice and I’m beyond relieved that I figured this out before it was too late. Phew. Balance must be my mantra. And there’s my dirty laundry insecurities for you all to read.
No comments:
Post a Comment